When your child struggles to fit in at school: signs to watch for

When a child moves to a new school in a new country, some degree of difficulty is normal and takes time. But there are signs that a child needs extra support — and recognising that difference early makes a real difference for them.

Normal adjustment: what to expect

In the first few weeks to months at a new school, the following are common and usually pass on their own:

Not wanting to go to school in the morning — especially in the early days or after a long break.
Being quiet or saying little — the silent period when taking on a new language.
Tiredness after school — the brain processing a new language all day uses a lot of energy.
Missing home and old friends — particularly noticeable in older children who had close friends before coming to Australia.
Mood changes in the evening — crying, irritability, or withdrawing — after trying hard all day at school.

These usually ease over time as the child grows used to the new environment, builds relationships, and improves in English.

Signs that need closer attention

There is a difference between normal adjustment and a real difficulty that needs intervention. The following signs are worth paying attention to and discussing with the teacher:

Behaviour at home:

The child continues to refuse to go to school, even weeks after the initial settling-in stage
The child talks about being bullied, excluded, or teased
The child expresses specific fear or anxiety about a particular person or situation at school
The child shows physical signs of anxiety: frequent stomach aches or headaches on school mornings
A marked change in behaviour: once cheerful, now quiet and withdrawn — or the reverse

Learning:

No progress in English after a long time despite support
A clear drop in results compared to before
The teacher reports that the child struggles to concentrate or keep up with the curriculum

Social:

The child has no friends after many months at school
The child is not invited to take part in any group activities
The child describes themselves as left out or as someone nobody likes

Bullying: how to recognise and respond

Bullying at school is a serious issue in Australia and is dealt with under clear policies. If you suspect your child is being bullied:

Listen to your child without judgement. Ask open questions: “Tell me what’s been happening at school” rather than “Is anyone bullying you?”
Write down what your child tells you — the date, the situation, who was involved.
Contact the class teacher. Describe what you have observed, without accusing. Ask the school to investigate and report back.
Follow up closely. If the school takes no action or the situation continues, escalate to a deputy principal or the principal.

Schools in Australia have a duty to take bullying seriously — never accept a response along the lines of “kids will be kids” or no concrete action.

When to seek professional support

If your child shows signs that last for several weeks and don’t improve, an assessment from a professional may be needed:

School counsellor: Most high schools and many primary schools have a school counsellor. This is the first step and is completely free — ask the school to arrange it if you have concerns.

GP (family doctor): If you are worried about your child’s mental health (anxiety, depression, or more serious signs), seeing a GP is an important step. A GP can refer you to a suitable specialist and, in many cases, there may be financial support through Medicare.

Community support services: Many settlement and multicultural organisations in Australia offer support services for migrant families and children, including counselling through an interpreter.

The parent’s role in this stage

What your child needs most during a difficult time is to know that their parents trust and support them. Some practical things you can do:

Make a habit of asking your child about their day — not just “what did you learn today?” but “what made you happy or sad today?”
Don’t solve problems for your child where they can learn to handle situations themselves — but don’t leave them alone to face things beyond their control
Connect your child with the local Vietnamese community or activities outside school — having friends who speak Vietnamese matters for their mental wellbeing too
Make sure your child gets enough sleep and has time for free play

Next steps

To support your child’s English, see the related guide on helping a child with limited English in the early stages.

To build a stable daily routine for your child, see the guide on building a routine that helps children settle in faster.

For family support services, see the guide on support and resources for new families in Australia.